The 5 Languages of Appreciation
In 2012, Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People.The languages of appreciation in the workplace include:- Word of Affirmation: Praise for what people are doing well.
- Quality Time: Extra time for conversation or taking someone out to lunch.
- Acts of Service: Helping with a project or prioritizing communication so that people feel aligned.
- Receiving Gifts: Tangible reminders of appreciation
- Physical Touch: Fist bumps, elbow hugs, or pats on the back.
The Mistake We Make
In the above list, most of us have one or two preferences that resonate emotionally. The problem, Chapman points out, is that we tend to show appreciation in the way we want to receive it rather than according to the language of the recipient.If we like receiving compliments, we may be good at giving praise. If we adhere to the servant leadership philosophy, we may focus on acts of service. When we use these approaches, we may get frustrated if we go out of our way and the recipient doesn’t notice or appreciate it.We can make our colleagues feel appreciated and save ourselves energy by first understanding what language they value.But this Sounds Overwhelming
To those of you who are completely overwhelmed at the thought of learning others’ languages, practice showing appreciation, even if you don’t know the other person’s preference. I understand that you may not have the bandwidth to get this right every time.People will appreciate your intentions, even when your efforts don’t completely resonate with them. I tend to give compliments or send little notes to clients as my default. Yet, if I want to make a greater impact or if I am working in a team dynamic, I look for clues about what each person values. I know that speaking their language is one of the fastest ways to build trust and that trust is critical in high-stakes engagements.How to Teach Your Team:
Gather your team and say,a. “I read this article about what makes people feel appreciated.
b. People have different preferences about what makes them feel valued and appreciated. In the workplace, it often looks like this: (List the 5 appreciation preferences, and the team can help generate examples.)
c. Which of these modalities are your favorites, and what does that mean to you in the workplace?
While this conversation will work well 1:1, I noticed some extra, unexpected benefits of facilitating the discussion for a group.1. People naturally started talking about what was helpful for them in the workplace. They learned how to “win” with each other.
2. The surprising language identifications (I made it into a competition where they guessed others’ preferences) facilitated a deeper discussion about needs within the fast-paced culture. It fit right into our larger goal of preventing silos and increasing cohesion.
3. It was fun and personally meaningful. People were highly engaged, and I learned that the team continued to discuss languages after I left. The engagement indicates a sticky concept, and they are more likely to pass it to their teams and throughout the organization.
If you’ve reached the end of this article, and the concept still feels awkward, let your team know that you are still learning or get someone to facilitate the discussion with you. The intention will matter enough to those present that you don’t have to worry about doing it perfectly to get results.What’s the ROI for you and your organization when you are already overwhelmed with competing obligations? You’ll retain great employees, and you’ll save yourself the time, energy, and frustration of taking the wrong approach.