Workplace Languages of Appreciation:  A High ROI, Low-Cost Method of Employee Retention“I don’t need gift cards or a new grill. I don’t even need a lot of praise. I’d just like to feel appreciated now and then. The money is good, but if I found a similar position with a better culture, I’d leave in a heartbeat.”I’ve heard the above statements from many unhappy, high-performing employees. Gold star programs, special lunches, and consultants* won’t fix the problem. When leaders fail to provide personal appreciation but give away big-ticket items, their subordinates view them as disingenuous and fake.What is a more effective approach to employee retention? Train leaders to use the languages of appreciation with their teams. 

The 5 Languages of Appreciation

In 2012, Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People.The languages of appreciation in the workplace include:
  • Word of Affirmation: Praise for what people are doing well.
  • Quality Time: Extra time for conversation or taking someone out to lunch.
  • Acts of Service: Helping with a project or prioritizing communication so that people feel aligned.
  • Receiving Gifts: Tangible reminders of appreciation
  • Physical Touch: Fist bumps, elbow hugs, or pats on the back.

The Mistake We Make

In the above list, most of us have one or two preferences that resonate emotionally. The problem, Chapman points out, is that we tend to show appreciation in the way we want to receive it rather than according to the language of the recipient.If we like receiving compliments, we may be good at giving praise. If we adhere to the servant leadership philosophy, we may focus on acts of service. When we use these approaches, we may get frustrated if we go out of our way and the recipient doesn’t notice or appreciate it.We can make our colleagues feel appreciated and save ourselves energy by first understanding what language they value.

But this Sounds Overwhelming

To those of you who are completely overwhelmed at the thought of learning others’ languages, practice showing appreciation, even if you don’t know the other person’s preference. I understand that you may not have the bandwidth to get this right every time.People will appreciate your intentions, even when your efforts don’t completely resonate with them. I tend to give compliments or send little notes to clients as my default. Yet, if I want to make a greater impact or if I am working in a team dynamic, I look for clues about what each person values. I know that speaking their language is one of the fastest ways to build trust and that trust is critical in high-stakes engagements.

How to Teach Your Team:

Gather your team and say,

a. “I read this article about what makes people feel appreciated.

b. People have different preferences about what makes them feel valued and appreciated. In the workplace, it often looks like this: (List the 5 appreciation preferences, and the team can help generate examples.)

c. Which of these modalities are your favorites, and what does that mean to you in the workplace?

While this conversation will work well 1:1,  I noticed some extra, unexpected benefits of facilitating the discussion for a group.

1. People naturally started talking about what was helpful for them in the workplace. They learned how to “win” with each other.

2. The surprising language identifications (I made it into a competition where they guessed others’ preferences) facilitated a deeper discussion about needs within the fast-paced culture. It fit right into our larger goal of preventing silos and increasing cohesion.

3. It was fun and personally meaningful. People were highly engaged, and I learned that the team continued to discuss languages after I left. The engagement indicates a sticky concept, and they are more likely to pass it to their teams and throughout the organization.

If you’ve reached the end of this article, and the concept still feels awkward, let your team know that you are still learning or get someone to facilitate the discussion with you. The intention will matter enough to those present that you don’t have to worry about doing it perfectly to get results.What’s the ROI for you and your organization when you are already overwhelmed with competing obligations? You’ll retain great employees, and you’ll save yourself the time, energy, and frustration of taking the wrong approach.

Beyond The Touchy-Feely

I understand that for many of you, this all feels touchy-feely. You may want a more non-emotional and analytical approach to employee retention. Giving everyone a raise sounds a lot easier, doesn’t it?The problem with ignoring appreciation is that you ignore a fundamental driver in human behavior. When people feel appreciated, they feel like they matter. The perception that “I matter. I belong. I am valued.” is the foundation of trust. When people trust, they share information and give feedback that may be critical to the health of your organization. If you ignore the emotional needs of your people, they will withdraw and share information on a need-to-know basis. You lose the opportunity to protect your organization from the inside out.*Lest I kick myself in the foot, I’m happy to do cultural consulting. As in this article though, you’ll find my approach focuses on deeper, fundamental concerns rather than flashy panaceas. I’d love to teach your team, so reach out at www.drtriciagroff.com if you need help. For more general information on soft skills and emotional intelligence, check out Relational Genius: The High Achiever’s Guide to Soft-Skill Confidence in Leadership and Life, available at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and other book distributors.
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