LEADERSHIP SELF-KNOWLEDGE QUESTIONNAIRE
How Do You Show Up as a Leader?
Instructions: You can either print a blank form to complete on paper, or fill it out online and print your completed answers. Your responses are saved in your browser as you type, so you can close this page and return later without losing your work.
Your leadership behavior makes perfect sense to you. It may not make sense to your team. Use these questions to figure out which aspects of your leadership style might confuse or frustrate people—so you can proactively help them understand how to read you.
Example: "When projects are behind schedule and people aren't taking ownership. I micromanage and get short with people. I don't think they realize it's about the timeline pressure, not about them personally."
Rationale: Leaders often have specific stress triggers that change how they show up. If your team doesn't know what sets you off or what the warning signs are, they'll take your behavior personally or won't know how to help you course-correct.
Example: "When I have a team that challenges my thinking and takes initiative without needing hand-holding, I'm energized and generous with my time."
Rationale: When you understand what brings out your best leadership, you can shape situations to support it AND tell your team how they can help you show up at your best for them.
Example: "I become much more directive and stop explaining my reasoning. I know what needs to happen and I just want people to execute. It probably feels like I don't trust them."
Rationale: Many leaders shift into a different mode under pressure—more controlling, less collaborative, less warm. If your team doesn't understand this is situational, they'll think it's a permanent shift in how you view them or their work.
Example: "I give people a lot of autonomy because I trust them and want them to grow. But sometimes they think I don't care about their work or that I'm unavailable."
Rationale: The same attributes that make you effective as a leader can confuse or frustrate your team if you don't explain your intent. Your strength becomes their blindspot about you.
Example: "I'm very direct and want the headline first. Half my team gives me tons of context before getting to the point, and I get visibly impatient. I know it makes them feel rushed or unheard."
Rationale: Communication style mismatches create constant friction. If you understand how your preferences differ from your team's and you can't adapt perfectly, at least name it so they know it's a style difference, not a judgment of their competence.
Example: "I want people to just tell me straight. But I've learned that some of my team members need me to acknowledge the good stuff first before they can hear the hard stuff, and I forget to do that."
Rationale: The way you want to receive information is often the way you deliver it. When your preference doesn't match your team's, you'll either seem harsh or they'll miss the message entirely. Knowing the difference helps you adjust—or at least explain why you do what you do.
Example: "I'm very much a '3 strikes, you're out' person—I give people lots of rope and coaching. Sometimes I persist way too long because I want to believe they'll change, even when the evidence says otherwise."
Rationale: Some leaders cut people loose quickly; others give chance after chance. Neither is wrong, but both create consequences. Understanding your pattern helps you know when you might be acting from hope rather than evidence—and helps your team understand why you make the people decisions you make.
Example: "I made one or two exceptions when someone wanted to meet during my strategy time, but now they keep calling or asking for a quick touch base during that block." OR "I delayed deadlines on tasks because I knew people were having a hard time. But now they just assume I'll be okay waiting a few days—or weeks."
Rationale: Sometimes when we want to be helpful or flexible, we make exceptions to our own stated boundaries. Even if you verbally say it's an exception, the behavior sets a precedent. People remember what you did, not what you said about it. Understanding when you've done this in the past helps you recognize when you're vulnerable to doing it again.
Example: "I defend my decisions immediately instead of just listening. Or I get quiet, and people think I'm mad at them when really I'm just processing."
Rationale: Most leaders SAY they want feedback, but their body language, facial expressions, or immediate responses send a different message. If you don't understand how you unintentionally shut people down, you'll wonder why no one tells you the truth.
Example: "I tell my team to set boundaries and not work weekends, but then I send emails at 10 PM on Saturdays. OR I say collaboration is important, but I make decisions without asking for input."
Rationale: Verbal precedents are what you say; non-verbal precedents are what you do. When they're in conflict, people will always follow what you do, not what you say. Understanding the mismatch helps you fix it—or at least acknowledge it.
Example: "I worry about being too personal and losing credibility, so I keep things surface-level. But then I don't really know them, and they don't really know me."
Rationale: Common barriers include: power dynamics and feeling threatened, fear of conflict, uncertainty about professional vs. personal boundaries, fear of losing credibility, and time pressure. If you don't name what's in your way, you can't problem-solve around it or help your team understand why you show up the way you do.
Example: "I have team members who talk a lot in meetings, and my default is to give them airtime because I don't want them to feel cut off. But it means other people don't get to speak. Or someone wants to process their personal problems with me, and I feel like I'm being their therapist instead of their boss."
Rationale: If you're wired to be empathetic, a good listener, or a peace-maker, you'll struggle with situations that require you to set boundaries, cut people off, or prioritize efficiency over feelings. The tension between your values and your role creates confusion—for you and for your team. Understanding this pattern helps you figure out where you need to set clearer boundaries or explain why you're making the choice you're making.
Example: "I believe in second chances, but I've learned that forgiveness doesn't mean keeping someone in a role where they're failing. I can care about someone and still let them go. It took me a long time to figure that out."
Rationale: Many leaders struggle with the tension between deeply held beliefs about people and the pragmatic realities of running a team or organization. When you don't reconcile this tension for yourself, you make inconsistent decisions that confuse your team—or you avoid hard decisions altogether.
SUMMIT CHALLENGE
Want to make this a team exercise? Have your direct reports complete this questionnaire about themselves AND about you. Then compare:
- Where do their perceptions of you match your self-perception?
- Where are there gaps? (That's where you're being misunderstood.)
- What patterns emerge across the team?
This works especially well when everyone shares their answers in a team setting. It creates a shared language for how you all show up under pressure, what brings out your best and worst, and how to navigate each other's leadership idiosyncrasies.