Chemistry, comfort, and trust matter as much or more than expertise.

When people work with an executive coach, the relationship fuels success. The more they feel supported and understood, the more information they will give to the executive coach. This information sharing is critical to strategy development and achieving optimal results. You should feel that the coach cares. Can you grow from expertise without caring attached? Absolutely. However, when you are navigating rough waters, you want someone who has your back. It shouldn’t feel like you are “a job” to the coach – you should feel from the beginning that there is a level of personal investment in your success.

In an initial conversation with a potential coach, pay attention to whether you feel the coach “gets” you.

Does it feel easy to talk?

Do you have the feeling that the person is solid and trustworthy?

Do you feel matched intellectually?

Focus on fit as much as credentials.

When people feel really comfortable with their coach, they are able to be open and vulnerable. Out of this openness and mutual collaboration comes a continuous and increasing return on investment that is impossible to calculate. At any point in the process, someone should be able to ask “is your coach helpful?’ and the answer should be an immediate and resounding “YES.” If the feeling is ambivalent, it means that the coach may be skilled but have the wrong personality fit. Alternately, the personality fit is good but the coach doesn’t have the skill set that the leader needs to make meaningful change. A parallel you might think about is this: if you or a relative has ever seen a medical doctor, you know that the more comfortable you feel, the more likely you are to share information. The more information doctors have (good ones), the better diagnostic and treatment options they can give you.

Do not engage or stay with a coach if it doesn’t feel like a good fit.

Trying a coach for several months is a mistake if you feel the relationship isn’t working. The longer you stay with one person, the more energy you’ll expend starting over. For this reason, people have long gaps between coaches, therapists, or other high-trust relationship providers. It is better to cut your losses after an initial conversation and try someone else to maintain traction.

Engagement style matters.

Ask the coach questions like, “Do you focus on providing information, tactics, and advice, or do you prefer to listen and ask questions that guide the clients to their own solutions? Do I make the decisions about how we work, do you, do we decide it together?” This is a style match question. It’s not that any approach is right or wrong.  A coach who focuses on listening and Socratic questioning will frustrate someone who wants actionable advice. A person who wants a collaborative partnership will be turned off by a directive approach.  When you listen to the response, you should hear something that resonates with you.

Red Flags on Potential Coaches

If a coach seems desperate for business or wants you to rush a decision, keep looking. Desperation never yields a win-win. When you see signs of it, it means that the coach is not in a position to make the decisions that are in the best interest of you or your organization.

If the coaches talk more than they listen, it is also a red flag. The art of coaching comes from assessing and integrating all aspects of both the person and the system. If coaches are selling, they aren’t listening. When communication is a problem on the front end, the coaching outcome will be poor. The poor result creates a secondary problem, in which leaders either blame themselves or are simply less open to trying coaching in the future.

Coaches should not try to trap organizations with contracts or vice versa. The relationship is built on mutual trust and competence. At the point in which people have to invoke contract clauses, the relationship is already broken. Thus, the best path forward is to have a clear conversation at the onset about how the relationship will be terminated if the coaching process is not a win-win.

Be aware of the coach’s views on confidentiality – From Dr. Tricia

Each coach has a slightly different perspective on confidentiality. Due to my (Dr. Tricia speaking here) own personality and training as a psychologist, I’m a locked box, and I usually won’t even mention a client or company’s name without express permission. Sometimes, I get involved in highly sensitive situations, and it’s better that I remain invisible. However, I’ve seen some coaches or coaching organizations list the companies they’ve worked with as a symbol of credibility. This may or may not be a concern for you, depending on your situation.

If confidentiality or anonymity is important to you, ask, “can you tell me about other companies or clients you’ve worked with?” I personally hate this question because I don’t want to divulge leading details, but I also want to give enough information to help the potential client make a decision. That’s exactly why you want to ask the question. If you hear the coach’s concern about protecting current and past clients, you have the starting point to expect that s/he/they will be careful with your information as well.