Even High Achievers Struggle with Confidence
“Sometimes I feel that I am better than everyone else; I also wonder if I am good enough.”
High Achievers have high expectations of what it means to be a leader, which can contribute to imposter syndrome.
High Achievers with high personal standards often feel they need to hide their flaws or risk rejection.
Confidence Reframe for High Achievers
While life feels better when we feel confident, struggling with confidence can also be a mark of humility, wanting to do things well, and not getting caught up in our own press. Developing higher confidence will NOT turn you into a self-centered or arrogant person. It’s simply a calm feeling, of being at home in your own skin.
If you can work on increasing your belief in yourself while maintaining the attitude that you may not always be right, you’ll be in the sweet spot. Increased confidence helps us to take risks and be our best selves because we’re not trying quite so hard to prove or protect our egos. Continued openness that we don’t have all of the answers helps us to check our own biases and remain open to growth.
Increased Confidence Facilitates Assertiveness
As you grow more confident in your own value, it will be easier for you to be assertive. Being assertive does not mean that you will be a jerk, selfish, or tone-deaf. It simply means that you’ll do a little better at listening to your own instinct and speaking up instead of staying silent. Being assertive empowers you to put your own needs on the table as you make decisions.
Common Mistakes High Achievers Make About Confidence
1. High achievers often believe that if they fix something about themselves, they will be more confident. While improvement always helps us to feel better about ourselves, strong personal confidence relies on self-value REGARDLESS of our flaws. In fact, this self-acceptance usually is an antecedent rather than a consequence of positive change.
2. Confidence is not arrogance. It is not selfishness. “I don’t want to think too much of myself” is the battle cry of those who feel more secure with low self-esteem. Sometimes it is a genuine concern; sometimes it is an excuse to stay stuck. Personal confidence is an acceptance of strengths AND weaknesses. The acknowledgment and acceptance of one’s weaknesses usually prevent arrogance.
Excerpt on Confidence from Relational Genius Book
When we doubt our worth, we compensate by working hard to be “good enough.” Thus, our confidence is always vulnerable to our momentary wins or lapses. We continuously strive to prove our worth. This striving forms the foundation for the duality in which high achievers know that they objectively perform at a higher level than everyone else, but they simultaneously doubt themselves. When we conflate performance with personal value, we will always wonder if we are measuring up.
Excerpt from Chapter 4: Confidence, Relational Genius: The High Achiever’s Guide to Soft-Skill Confidence in Leadership and Life
Deep Dive into Personal Self-Confidence for High Achievers
Many High Achievers sharpened their skillsets from the pain of feeling different or not good enough. When this happens, the skills help us, but the pain remains. Adlerian psychology has a helpful way of conceptualizing how people can feel inferior and how this can lead to superior skillsets.