For Highly Intelligent Young Founders and Leaders

First — if you had your IQ tested in school, naturally did well, or were so bored you zoned out, got accused of being lazy, and started a company instead, I’m talking to you. If you’re a venture-backed founder or sitting in a C-suite seat, I’m talking to you. If the people around you are astonished at what you’re accomplishing at your age, I’m talking to you. If you looked at the High Achiever personality characteristics and they resonated, I am definitely talking to you.

I know that sometimes it’s cool.

I know that sometimes it’s lonely.

What I wish someone had told me:

Some people will see your intelligence and value that the most. Others won’t get past your age.  Sometimes people older than you will want your fresh outlook instead of trying to force you into their box. Don’t spend your energy trying to “be old enough.” It’s a waste of time.

Why a waste of time? Check this out. I was 40 years old (read it again, say it outloud) and someone STILL thought I was too young for the level of expertise I was bringing to the table. That was the day I truly let go. But honestly, if I’d known that I’d get that feedback at 40, I would not have spent so much time in my 20s and 30s trying to get credibility by making myself sound ancient.

So let go now — at 21, 25, 32, 35, whatever you are. By the time you’re finally deemed “old enough,” everyone around you will be busy talking about how old they are. It’s ridiculous. Don’t wait for permission that becomes a moving target.

Sigh. I know that sometimes it’s comforting to imagine that people who are older than you are wiser than you. Sometimes they are. But sometimes they just have more years and more experience being dumb. 

One of the disappointments that actually built my confidence was this: I attended a conference to hear a famous speaker. I was really excited about learning. However, I didn’t learn anything new, and the people around me weren’t impressed either. It wasn’t ego; I simply already understood the principles.  

You’re not mean or judgmental when you make these assessments. You didn’t do anything to deserve your intelligence; it is what it is. However, don’t subvert it in order to satisfy your own or other people’s expectations that older automatically means they have something you don’t.

Everyone, at every intelligence level, often feels like a little kid when it comes to emotions. Our emotions aren’t logical, so we can be smart adults and still feel scared or sad like a kid. It can be hard if you are young and in a leadership position because it’s easy to feel like you should have it all together. The truth is, sometimes you just need more experience with hard stuff for it to feel normal and less scary.

One time, one of my favorite people was having a hard time. I was trying to explain something he didn’t understand without making him feel wrong. It wasn’t an intelligence gap; it was a life experience gap. Finally, he said, “So basically, it’s just that you’re 20 years older than me.” Yes. As we gain experience, which usually comes with age, fewer things feel completely unfamiliar. Then, even when something is scary, we have a track record of surviving scary things, so that we can reassure ourselves: “I’ve been through new things before, and it will be okay.”

That reassurance is the thing experience actually buys. It’s not superior intelligence. It’s a longer list of “I got through it.”

Maybe. Maybe not. This is what I’ve seen.

Some people with gray hair have experience and wisdom, and they’re open to learning, current, and nimble. You want them. But set your expectations: when I described that exact combination of characteristics to one of my gray-haired people, he said, “That’s a unicorn.” In his world, unicorns don’t exist. In mine, they do — they just take longer to find.

What I’ve seen is this: some experienced people, especially those from large corporate environments, want the flexibility and energy of a start-up or early-stage company. Yet, they can’t adjust to the nimble reality and pace of one. Usually, it’s because they are used to a specific tech stack, a larger support team, more resources, or established processes to stand on.

One more thing about experience itself: look at the years of experience in the relevant field. I love a good reinvention, but someone with gray hair who changed course a few years ago may be at the exact same experience point as someone who is 20 or 30 years younger.

Your board handed you the phrase “gray hair,” so I’m going to hand it back to you as a test. When I assess whether an experienced person can actually flex to your environment, these are the signals I listen and watch for:

1. Listen to how they talk about the past. Do they constantly reference how things were done at their old companies? If there’s an edge of nostalgia or self-importance in it, their idea of the “right way” is frozen at a point in time — and they’re unlikely to update their mindset to fit where you actually are.
2. Listen to how they talk about young people — including how they talk to you. The ones who can adapt are the ones who see the value in your way of doing things and respect your knowledge and expertise regardless of your age.
3. Define the qualifications first, then judge everyone against them. If you’re hiring A players, age fades fast as a meaningful variable for both of you. Make your list of the intellectual, personality, and skill qualifications you want — and whether someone is 22 or 62, judge them on that list.

Find people around you who believe in you and support you. Here’s an inside secret: older, successful people often want to give back and pass it on. But they’re most motivated when someone shows initiative, courage, and fire.

So — don’t make them chase you. Ask for their time, respect it, and follow up with gratitude. Also, don’t bring wishes or ideas; approach them when you’re already executing, not just thinking about it. Momentum is what makes people want to invest in you.

Everything on my Working Together page still stands, but if you’re roughly 18 to 30, here’s where we’ll actually end up:

We’ll figure out where you’re genuinely brilliant. Then we’ll learn where you’re competent but low on confidence. Then — the important one — where you lack confidence because you don’t actually know what you’re doing yet, and you don’t have anywhere safe to say that out loud.

That last one is almost always about navigating leadership conundrums. It’s especially true if you’re a leader by virtue of position — if you’ve never held a job before this one, or never had anyone help you with the human dynamics of leading people. That’s not a gap in your intelligence; you simply haven’t encountered it before. If we fit well together, and it’s right for your organization, I’ll help your team as well.

No one is born knowing exactly how to get all of this right. If you meet someone, of any age, who claims to have all of the answers, they are full of it. They may speak with great authority and confidence, but if you stay open and curious, you will always have the edge, and you will pass all the gray-haired people around you.